How it all started
To begin, it’s not uncommon for us to expect things to fall into place when we plan and work hard for them. Unfortunately, when things don’t go as we hoped, it can cause a great deal of anxiety and self-doubt. I’m someone who prefers to stick to my plans and has difficulty adapting when things don’t go as I envisioned.
This led to some mental health issues, depression and anxiety to be precise, as I struggle with the fear of failure and feelings of inadequacy. However, I’ve come to accept that life doesn’t always go according to plan and that it’s important to learn to adjust and be flexible in the face of uncertainty.
How my life was affected?
I found it both disturbing and difficult to adjust to plans that didn’t work out as expected, which affected my thoughts and actions daily. Since I strongly preferred for things to go according to plan, any failed attempts or setbacks felt like major issues in my life, leading to depression and negatively impacting my overall well-being. In addition, I experienced multiple depressive episodes in 2021 and 2022, which made me realize that mental health issues can slowly take over one’s life and lead to fatal outcomes.
This struggle affected all aspects of my life, especially my work in 2022, leaving me wondering what has happened to me. The things that used to bring me joy and fulfilment no longer did, and I fell short of my goals multiple times, causing my life to slowly crumble. Presently, I’m still in the process of picking up the pieces and recovering from those setbacks at the time of writing this.
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My personal challenges
Personally, I have a phlegmatic or melancholic temperament, and people with these traits may possess some traits perfectionism. If things don’t go according to plan, we tend to think of ourselves as failures who can’t make things happen. My main challenge is that things have to work out the way I planned, even if it’s just 60%. When they fall short of that mark, I start to feel like there’s a problem.
A way out
As for what’s been helpful for me, my therapist has advised me to engage more with the world, which has been very beneficial. She suggested I read more, especially the Bible, interact more with people, listen to music, and go out more often. I’m someone who tends to be a bit of a lone ranger and spends a lot of time alone, but following her advice has helped me to start recuperating. I hope to bounce back this year (2023) and get back to my usual self, both in my personal life and in my profession.
Furthermore, I want to be the cheerful, optimistic person I used to be, and I’d like to continue improving my mental health and also, help others who are struggling with mental health issues. I plan to keep following my therapist’s advice, and I’m open to engaging in more activities that will help me to feel better. Lastly, recovering from my mental health struggles, I’ve learnt to appreciate my little wins and view things from the bright side.
Emmy is a mathematics educator, that teaches high school students Mathematics and Additional Mathematics. In his free time, he enjoys playing and watching football, and studying.
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