The beginning of my insecurities
Growing up, I never cared about my looks, which is funny because I received a lot of compliments as a child. It was either people said it to me directly, or I would hear them saying it to my mum or brother. I appreciated the comments, but I never dwelt on them.
For years, I never thought about my looks. Then, almost overnight, they became my biggest insecurity.
Towards the end of primary school, puberty hit, and acne was at the forefront. The first few times it was pointed out to me, I asked my mother about it, and she said, “It’s normal. It’s part of growing up. It’ll go on its own.” I believed her, but it didn’t go.
It was all people talked about. Classmates, family members, teachers, random people. They talked about it so much that I genuinely believed that people didn’t see me as a person anymore; they just saw the acne.
The ripple effects
I became self-conscious.
I started to see faults in every other part of my appearance. Anxiety hit. My heart would race every time I had to step outside because people would see me, and they would see the acne. On multiple occasions, the first comment of people seeing me for the first time in a while would be things like, “Hmm, your face is not getting any better,” or “What happened to your face? It is really bad o.”
At some point, I stopped looking into mirrors or other reflective surfaces because I couldn’t bear to see myself anymore. I stopped making eye contact with people. I didn’t want to see their eyes on me. My self-worth dropped. If anyone ever called me beautiful, I would be so sure they were playing in my face, waiting for me to smile and say thank you so they can go back and laugh at me with their friends.
Too many times, the phrase “I’m so ugly” would repeat itself in my head, and I would do my best to block it out.
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Hope for the future
If you’re reading this, take it as a sign to be mindful of your words. Don’t comment on someone’s body shape, height, skin, or facial features unless you’re certain they’re okay with it. You might think it’s harmless, but for some, it’s the very thing they struggle with most.
And if you’re battling an insecurity, my prayer is that you can start to see yourself through your own eyes and no longer through the lens of the comments people made over the years. I pray you experience true joy and no longer feel like you’re trapped in a shell. And I pray that one day, you will be able to truly love yourself, not because people are telling you to, but because you deserve all the love you have to give.
Temi is a teenager in Lagos, Nigeria, who is passionate about mental health and enjoys writing and graphic design.
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