What if relief only comes after checking again… and again… and again?
This isn’t about being cautious. It’s about liking things to be organized or follow a specific order.
And there is a name for this behaviour. It’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
A condition where unwanted thoughts invade the mind, bringing waves of anxiety that refuse to settle. Where the mind searches for safety through repeated actions, rituals that promise relief, even if only for a moment.
And for many people, that war is fought quietly, every single day.
Some Thoughts arrive uninvited
What if?
What if I drop this baby?
My hands feel too loose,
too human.
What if something in me snaps
And I hurt her?
I pull her closer
like love can prove
the thought is a lie.
Did I lock the door?
I think I did.
I hear the click again in my head.
But what if I imagined it?
Back down the hallway.
Check.
Locked.
Walk away.
Wait, check again.
Why is the lid slanted like that?
It’s wrong.
It looks wrong.
Something bad could happen
because it’s wrong.
Fix it.
No, again.
There.
…still not right.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Have I said maybe before?
My mind keeps rewinding
like a song that won’t finish.
People say,
“Just relax.”
“Stop overthinking.”
They don’t see
how loud it is in here.
How every small thing
feels like a warning.
How every thought
feels like a threat.
How tired you get
from fighting yourself all day.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing feels safe either.
So I check.
And fix.
And count.
And pray.
Just trying to make the world stay okay.
Just trying to quiet the what ifs.
Final thoughts
If you have never experienced thoughts like these, it can be hard to truly understand how loud and overwhelming they feel. What may look like simple overthinking from the outside can feel like a constant battle inside the mind.
This poem offers a small glimpse into that inner struggle, the fear, the doubt, and the exhausting need to check, fix, and quiet the “what ifs.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, speak up. Ask questions. Seek help.
