My mental health journey quietly began when I was about 15, though I didn’t have the language for it then. I’ve always been emotional, but in an environment that didn’t welcome emotional expression, I was often called “cringe” or told I was overreacting. Over time, I began to wonder if something was wrong with me, and the silence around mental health only made that feeling stronger.
What made things even harder was my struggle with ibadah, especially staying consistent with my prayers. Instead of being supported, I was shamed. People would say things like, “You’re not even a real Muslim,” and those words stuck. At first, I blamed Shaytan. But eventually, I saw that the critical, unkind environment around me had also shaped how I saw myself and even how I saw Allah.
Falling into Darkness
That period slowly pulled me into depression, though I didn’t recognize it at the time. I just felt lost, disconnected from others, and even more painfully, from Allah. I questioned if He still loved me. I didn’t feel worthy of calling myself a Muslim, let alone asking for His help.
It’s a heavy thing to carry that kind of spiritual guilt, especially when you’re still young and trying to find your way. And when no one around you speaks the language of both faith and emotional wellness, you start to drown silently.
Healing Through an Unexpected Path
At 17, everything changed, by Allah’s mercy. Social media, surprisingly, became a source of healing for me. I came across a video by Mufti Menk. I had heard him speak before, but this time, his words hit differently:
“Even if you can’t pray all five daily prayers, just pray one.”
That sentence cracked something open in me. For the first time, I felt seen and not judged. It made me realize that Allah didn’t expect perfection, just sincere effort. It was a message of love and mercy, not shame and fear.
Thanks to that, I slowly rebuilt my connection with Allah. I began speaking to Him more, not just out of ritual, but out of love and longing. And for the first time in years, I felt peace… real peace.
A New Relationship with Myself and Allah
Looking back, I wish our communities made more space for struggling souls, especially young Muslims. We need to normalize emotional pain and offer compassion instead of judgment. People should be able to grow in faith while healing, not be shamed for not having it all figured out.
I’m still on my journey. But alhamdulillah, I’m in a much better place now. I’m learning to love myself, to forgive myself, and to hold on to the mercy of the One who never let me go.
If my story can help even one person feel less alone, then sharing it is worth every word.
Ubaidahtu is a girl who loves entrepreneurship, journaling, cooking, and honestly, sleeping. She is passionate about personal growth and finding peace through Faith.
Inspired by this story? Share your story with others. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life.
