In my time at a rehabilitation shelter for street-connected boys, I learned that trauma rarely looks like trauma. I have seen boys who second-guess the intentions of adults and caregivers.
Some believe that kindness comes with a price tag. Some cannot bring themselves to be under authority or be told what to do. Some act in defiance or display difficult behaviour. Then, after a few days, they leave. Some come back. Others do not.
As an intake officer, I began to see what others do not, and it made me ask a different question. Not what is wrong with the child, but what happened to the child.
I met a boy who had lost his whole family to street gang violence. When he was first brought to the shelter, he wanted nothing to do with it. He was always fighting and losing interest in the people and things around him. A boy like that is easily labelled stubborn or rebellious. But the truth was that he felt like there was no one left to live for.
This article looks at how trauma shapes behaviour and mental health among street-connected children, and what the adults around them can do differently.
Who Are Street-Connected Children?
The term “children in street situations” is increasingly used to describe children whose lives are closely connected to the streets. According to UNICEF, the term recognises that children may live or work on the streets, or regularly spend significant time there, and that their circumstances can be fluid. UNICEF also emphasises that where there is a problem, it is not the child but the situations the child finds themselves in.
Children do not simply end up on the street; behind each one is some form of trauma. They become connected to it through abuse, neglect, poverty, family breakdown, trafficking, conflict, violence and the loss of caregivers. UNICEF describes them as among the most marginalised children anywhere, often facing violence, abuse, neglect, exploitation and very limited access to basic services.
In my line of work, I have met over five hundred children, the majority of them boys, and every one of them had a different reason for being on the street.
Behaviour Is a Form of Communication
This is not about excusing bad behaviour or condoning it. It is about understanding that behaviour is often the only language a child has left.
Take a six-month-old baby whose nappy is wet. He cries, or becomes irritable, because that is how he tells his caregiver that something is wrong and attention is needed. The behaviour is the message.
Street-connected children are often labelled stubborn, aggressive, disrespectful, withdrawn or difficult. Children who spend significant time on the streets may also be exposed to stealing, fighting, gambling or substance use. Some of these behaviours become part of how a child responds to a difficult environment, or survives inside it.
A high level of adversity affects the body’s stress response systems and shapes how a child reacts to a perceived threat. Research from the Harvard Center on the Developing Child explains that prolonged activation of these systems can affect developing brain architecture, with consequences for learning, attention, behaviour and wellbeing.
Seen from that angle, the behaviour starts to make sense. A child who distrusts adults may have been betrayed repeatedly. A child who steals may have learned to survive by stealing. A child who fights may have learned that aggression is what keeps him safe. No child wakes up wanting to be rejected.
And some of these boys could have turned out differently much earlier, but met adults who broke their trust instead. The very things they are struggling to escape are what some adults are trading them back into.
How Trauma Shapes the Brain and Mental Health
The brain adapts to experience. During childhood, repeated experiences shape the developing brain and the systems involved in learning, behaviour, emotional regulation and stress.
According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, the developing brain is shaped by the interaction between genes, experiences, and the timing of those experiences. Repeated experiences strengthen the neural connections used most often. When a child faces prolonged or severe adversity without adequate support from caring adults, the body’s stress response system can remain activated for too long.
Similarly, Dr Bruce D. Perry argues that you cannot understand a child’s trauma or behaviour without knowing their developmental history, and when in that history the harm occurred.
This is why a child who has repeatedly experienced danger stays highly alert to the possibility of it. Something in the environment reminds him of a previous experience and activates a stress response before he has had any chance to reason through what is actually happening.
Trauma influences emotions, behaviour, relationships and the way children respond to everything around them. None of this means a child’s future has already been decided. The brain is adaptable. Supportive relationships and safe, stable environments can buffer children from the effects of prolonged stress and help them develop well.
I have spoken with hundreds of children and adolescents through listening, counselling and coaching, and one thing has been consistent throughout. The adults around them, teachers, counsellors, caregivers and parents, need to ask better questions.
I once worked with a boy who could not hold his attention on anything. His mother told me to handle him, to spank him if necessary, because he was always distracted in class. I had to call his name repeatedly just to bring him back into a conversation.
One day I asked him about his father, and the boy burst into tears. He told me his father had left about a year earlier. His mother believed that meeting his basic needs was enough. The boy simply missed his father.
This is a reminder that what we see on the outside is usually connected to what a child is carrying on the inside.
Also Read: Teen Suicide in Africa Is Rising Faster Than You Think
What These Children Actually Need
Trauma teaches a child to expect the worst; these children have spent years adapting to unpredictable environments. For that reason, any intervention built around them has to offer something different and offer it consistently over time.
Patience
Patience goes hand in hand with empathy. Given what adversity does to the brain and to behaviour, change is not going to be immediate, and expecting it to be sets everybody up to fail. Being patient is not the same as being permissive. It is relating to a child from a place of empathy rather than judgement.
Boundaries
Boundaries are what bridge the gap between us and them. In the shelter where I worked, each boy was allotted a portion of the chores. If a boy failed to complete his, the expectation stayed in place. The chore was finished before anything else began. Healthy boundaries help children understand what is expected of them and learn healthier ways of responding.
Listening
Listening is more than hearing. It is seeing the person in front of you and paying attention to the emotion underneath what they are saying. When I listen to these boys, I hear years of pain, stolen childhood, disappointment and, very often, regret. Listening properly is how you meet the real person behind the survival mode they have spent years building.
Routine
Orderliness is not something children learn on the street. Many of the boys I have worked with describe moving between several places in a short space of time. Some wear the same clothes for days or weeks. Bringing a child like that into a shelter means introducing them to routine, and over time, a predictable environment helps them adjust to a different way of living.
Safety
For these children, safety is more than a roof. It means not being exploited and having at least one adult they can trust. Many of the boys I worked with had never experienced what safety actually feels like. A safe environment lets a child live without constantly bracing for the next threat.
Encouragement
I have worked with boys over long periods on addictions they were still struggling with, and you come to accept that they may go back to them for a while. What they need at that point is not to be shamed or called out. Encouragement is what carries healing, alongside real support and healthier ways of coping.
What Can We Do Differently?
Parents, teachers, social workers, faith leaders and community members all shape how street-connected children are treated. On the positive side, the practical starting points are simple enough:
- Avoid shaming children for behaviours we do not understand
- Be consistent in our expectations and our responses
- Listen before correcting
- Avoid labels that reduce a child to a single behaviour
- Refer a child to appropriate professionals and services when they need more than we can give
Still, understanding a child’s experiences does not remove accountability. It creates an environment where accountability can sit alongside safety, dignity, empathy and the chance to heal.
Conclusion
Trauma shaped how these children learned to survive, but it does not have to decide who they become. They are children with histories, hopes, strengths and a real capacity to heal.
When we stop asking what is wrong with this child and start asking what has happened to this child, we make room for compassion, understanding and recovery. Every behaviour has a story behind it. The boy who fought everyone at the shelter was not stubborn. He simply had no one left to live for. Somebody had to ask before anyone could know that.
Author: Oluwatobi Ajao is a child protection advocate with experience supporting street-connected children, adolescents, and survivors of gender-based violence through trauma-informed care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of this blog post is for awareness and information only and is not a substitute for professional assessment or care. The children described are drawn from the writer’s work, with identifying details withheld.
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